Structuring Your Personal Statement
You're sitting in front of the computer screen. Your word processing program is open, but the screen is blank. You've been staring at it for what seems like an eternity. You don't know where to start or where to go. What are they looking for? How are you supposed to write it?
The cause of your frustration? An application essay. You can write application essays in many different ways, but the human interest story provides an effective model for writing your essay and easing your frustration. You read human interest stories in newspapers and magazines all the time. They are popular and effective because they engage the reader's interest, persuade him or her of the writer's point of view, and sell periodicals. Similarly, an application essay or personal statement must engage the admissions staff, convince them of your viewpoint, and sell you.
Human interest stories typically have the following structure: lead, thesis, body, conclusion. Using that structure for your personal statement provides you with a framework around which to build your essay.
Begin with a lead, also called a hook. A lead is usually a brief anecdote, a question, a startling statistic or quote, or a gripping description of a scene. The lead has a very important job: hooking the reader. Any writer will tell you that the first few lines of an article, ad, or letter determine the success of that piece. And the same is true for your essay. Put your most interesting tidbit at the beginning.
Now that you have the reader's attention, tell him/her the point of your essay--the thesis. The thesis can be a one-sentence summary or road map of your personal statement. It typically follows the lead and introduces the body, the longest section of your paper.
The body provides evidence to support your thesis. In writing the body avoid generalities and platitudes; give concrete examples from your life. Writing about specific experiences has a number of advantages:
Specifics keep the reader's attention more effectively than generalities.
Drawing on situations in your life will distinguish you from other applicants who superficially may be very similar to you.
All good things must end; so too must your essay end with a conclusion. The conclusion ties up the essay by briefly referring back to the lead, restating the thesis, and if relevant, mentioning some long term goals.
Lead, thesis, body, conclusion. That is the structure of a successful human interest story and personal statement. After all, the effective personal statement really tells a human interest story--a human interest story about you.
Ten Tips
1. Express yourself in positive language. Say what is, not what is not.
2. Use transitions between paragraphs. Transitions tie one paragraph to the next.
A transition can be a word, like later, furthermore, additionally, or moreover; a phrase like After this incident...; or an entire sentence.
If you are writing about Topic A and now want to discuss Topic B, you can begin the new paragraph with a transition such as "Like (or unlike) Topic A, Topic B..."
3. Vary your sentence structure. It's boring to see subject, verb, object all the time. Mix simple, complex, and compound sentences.
4. Understand the words you write. You write to communicate, not to impress the admissions staff with your vocabulary. When you choose a word that means something other than what you intend, you neither communicate nor impress. You do convey the wrong message or convince the admissions committee that you are inarticulate.
5. Look up synonyms in a thesaurus when you use the same word repeatedly. After the DELETE key, the thesaurus is your best friend. As long as you follow Tip 4, using one will make your writing more interesting.
6. Be succinct. Compare:
During my sophomore and junior years, there was significant development of my maturity and markedly improved self-discipline towards school work.
During my sophomore and junior years, I matured and my self-discipline improved tremendously.
The first example takes many more words to give the same information. The admissions people are swamped; they do not want to spend more time than necessary reading your essay. Say what you have to say in as few words as possible. Tips 7, 8, and 9 will help you to implement this suggestion.
7. Make every word count. Do not repeat yourself. Each sentence and every word should state something new.
8. Avoid qualifiers such as rather, quite, somewhat, probably, possibly, etc.
You might improve your writing somewhat if you sometimes try to follow this suggestion.
The example contains nonsense. Deleting unnecessary qualifiers will strengthen your writing 1000%. Equivocating reveals a lack of confidence. If you do not believe what you write, why should the admissions officer?
9. Use the active voice. Compare:
The application was sent by the student. Passive voice
The student sent the application. Active voice
They both communicate the same information. The active voice, however, is more concise; it specifies who is performing the action and what is the object. The passive voice is wordier and frequently less clear.
10. Read and reread Elements of Style by William Strunk, Jr. and E.B. White. Containing basic rules of grammar, punctuation, composition, and style, this indispensable classic is available in paperback and is only eighty-five pages long.
